4 Rules For Sleeping With Dogs
Whoever said "Let sleeping dogs lie" didn't sleep with dogs.
The first thing you discover when you bring a dog onto your bed is the striking difference in weight (and determination) between an alert, awake dog and a dog at rest.
Rule Number One: The deeper the sleep the heavier the dog.
Most people who sleep with dogs develop spinal deformities rather than rent the heavy equipment necessary to move their snoring canines to a more appropriate part of the bed. Cunning canines steal precious space in tiny increments until they have achieved the center position on the bed - with all covers carefully tucked under them for safekeeping. The stretch and roll method is very effective in gaining territory. Less subtle tactics are sometimes preferred. A jealous dog can worm his way between a sleeping couple and, with the proper spring action from all four legs, shove a sleeping human to the floor.
Rule Number Two: Dogs possess superhuman strength while on a bed.
As you cling to the edge of the bed, wishing you had covers, your sweet pup begins to snore at a volume you would not have thought possible. Once that quiets down, the dog dreams begin. Yipping, growling, running, kicking. Your bed becomes a battlefield and playground of canine fantasy. It starts out with a bit of "sleep running", lots of eye movement and then, suddenly, a shrieking howl blasted through the night like a banshee wail. The horror of this wake-up call haunts you for years. It's particularly devastating when your pup insists on sleeping curled around your head like a demented Daniel Boone cap.
Rule Number Three: The deeper the sleep, the louder the dog.
The night creeps on and you fall asleep in the 3 inches of bed not claimed by a dog. The dog dreams quiet slightly and the heap of dog flesh sleeps - breathing heavily and passing wind. Then, too soon, it's dawn and the heap stirs. Each dog has a distinctive and unpleasant method of waking the pack. One may position itself centimeters from a face and stare until you wake. The clever dog obtains excellent results by simply sneezing on your face, or they could romp all over your sleeping bodies - or the ever-loving insertion of a tongue in an unsuspecting ear.
Rule Number Four: When the dog wakes - you wake.
So, why do we put up with this? There's no sane reason. Perhaps it's just that we're a pack and a pack heaps together at night - safe, contented, heavy and loud.
I loved this.. I laughed outloud at work.. Body my pound pup sleeps on my right side curled up around my feet (how fun that is to sleep)& Cody my other pound pup likes to sleep in the small of my back,even more fun. When my pups wake up it is like WWF and I am the Ref. lol
I laughed out loud when I read this article because so much of it is true when it comes to my two fur babies! Kodie (a charming blond poodle mix) loves to sneeze and wake me up. Or he will stare at me close to my face and whimper sometimes placing a paw very gently on my shoulder. Then a small lick on the cheek. Katie (very loving and gentle black miniature poodle) loves to leap up and down your back as soon as she knows you are awake! I guess she is celebrating at Kodie's success to arise the pack leader. LOL!
What a shame Lessie . . . It is pretty unjust that your human doesn't care enough for you or obviously have the responsibility & time to train you properly (so that you're trusted to behave) in the warmth & security of a loving home.
We certainly hope that you're not neglected & chained up somewhere in the unbearable heat of the summer or frigid temps of the winter. Hey, ya never know - if you can ever make a get away, you might have a chance at a better life & loving family - getting adopted at the pound.
All three of us are included as family members in our house b/c our human has taught us to be well mannered, behaved and loving. We feel bad that your human isn't more like ours.
As Lessie, the doggie: But I don't snore ;) I envy dogs who sleep with human because I'm forbidden to go inside the human's house
As MJ, owner of Lessie: LOL. Funny!